here we go again.

Slowly and surely, I'm moving along. I hate that its taking this long for me to realize things about myself.

For instance...

I thought that there would be a time where I could be friends with him again. Where I would want to. I have come to the realization that idea is not a truth, there is no more room in my life for him anymore. Our time as friends plus some has long past and I am at peace with this truth. This is a funny thing because last year, all I ever wanted to do was talk to him, to understand why he was angry at me for something that I felt was not my fault. A year later, not talking to him is the best thing for me. I know it seems lame that I am still stuck in a small funk, but I was friends with this guy for over 2 years and I could not imagine myself getting over something in a matter of just a few weeks.

At the moment, at 3:26am, I just feel more comfortable to be myself and I am happier for it than I was a year ago.

I just wish that my heart was not as cold to men as it is.

(Don't look back, don't ever look back.)

Taylor Lautner

Taylor Lautner is the guy that plays the werewolf named Jacob in The Twilight Series and I just remembered that he is 18 years old. 

18 years old. 

That means that one year ago from today, I was lusting over a 17 year old. Something has to be illegal about that but, thankfully, its not. (hopefully) 

"...with all this pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a f**k you...."

Cee Lo Green: "Fuck You" hits the spot.

I would post the youtube video but all that cutting and pasting hurts my head.

In other news, I'm reverting to my old ways. Sort of. I don't know. I'm all conflicted, I don't know if I want a boyfriend or other things. I have never really had a boyfriend for a substantial amount of time, only lovers for the past six years. I do not regret anything I have ever done with my life, its just that this constant marry-go-round of men in my life has left me with a sense of confusion and feeling of suspicion towards all men that have an attraction towards me. This suspicion leaves me to not expect much from men. :-)

My Cousin (Ate') Cris is the best...

Me: "A couple of weeks ago I had a false positive pregnancy test. I started panicking because I would have been 4 and a half months pregnant.  I was freaking out but then I took another 2 and they came out negative."
Her: "It's okay if you were pregnant, you and the baby could have lived here in my house. I would have taken care of you both. "

I'm back

Here I am, stuck at that place.

 The same place I was before that fateful Friday night when he sent me text messages and called my best friend, confessing that he still has/had feelings for me.

You know, that place where I *think* I can let go.

Where everything will be back to normal.

As.long.as.hes.not.there.

Fear and Insanity

Who went to the Colbert and Stewart rally?

This girl.

Who didn't get to hear anything they said?

This girl

Who spent $13 on food that would have cost $5 on a regular Saturday?

This girl

Who had an awesome time and took pictures with people dressed in ridiculous costumes?

It was ME!

                                                               The Metro was crowded!

                                                                      Hear that MOTHER?!

                                                      I just LOVE the Washington Monument!

read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rally_to_Restore_Sanity_and/or_Fear#Crowd_size

sara bareilles, get out of my mind.

I can't get over this song. I heard it 2 days ago and it felt autobiographical, saying words I have been thinking for the past couple of years. Mind you, this is one part of the failed relationship where I put an equal amount of blame on myself for allowing this unhealthy aspect to continue. For some reason, hearing those words allowed me to feel care for, however, it did not keep the back of my mind stringing together angry thoughts that sounded much like the lyrics of this song.


p.s. my period is back. i guess with no reason other than blah, blah, blah to take birth control I forget, which then causes my period. Ugh. I am so bloated that if you put me into water, I'd come out floating without even trying.