the tragic end of happiness

I am writing this blog while in tears, like, at this moment I am actively crying. Not because I am miserable but because I am happy.

For the first time in my life, I can say that I am happy.

Really happy.

..... and usually when i am this happy

bad things happen that make everything crumble down.

someone once told me that it seems like I expect bad things to happen.

and Im trying not to.

but instinct tell me to be prepared
even though I dont wanna.

because in the end I want to quit saddness and embrace happiness
and put away the bad stuff.

and live in the good.
because I've had a lot of bad things happen to me and I've done the bad too

but for once, I want it to all be okay.
Im trying very hard to not let the worst control me.

But most dont understand, is the work it takes to keep the bad things from taking over.

to sadness: