Why?
As a feminist, I believe that women should have a sense of strength and power to make their own decisions where ever life takes them. While her decision was to become a member of the LDS church, it was one that took her own a journey of self-discovery that empowered her to take charge of her life. While her path is not one that I believe many women will choose or view as strong-willed, however, after reading this I dare anyone to call her "weak."
Besides, who am I to push my views onto someone else and try to prove them wrong, isn't that what the movements are going against?
As promised, I am here to elaborate more on my decision. I might sound crazy, but honesty is the best policy, right? Well, I have been seeing the missionaries on and off for 2 years now. They kept telling me if I sincerely pray and ask, God will reveal the truth to me... in anything. I kept praying to know if the Church was true and most often I would not feel anything. But then someone asked me one day, "Figuratively speaking, if this Church WAS true... would you embrace it?" I thought about it and then I realized something. I responded, even if the church was true... I wouldn't want to know because my parents are so against it. The thought of them being so displeased with me was more than I could bare.
But then something remarkable happened. Aaron proposed to me. Awhile back, his bishop (a member of the LDS church) offered to marry us for free at the church. Remembering this, we were debating on whether or not we should take him up on his offer. Neither of us were in the best financial situation, and neither were either of our parents. So on one hand, it would save everyone on money... but on the other hand... my family members would absolutely not want it at the LDS church. But then on the other hand, no other church will marry us for free. We kept debating about this back and forth until finally we decided... we would get married at the church. The day we made this decision, we also decided we should call the bishop soon and let him know. The very moment we started talking about this, the phone rang. It was Aaron's bishop. He said he felt prompted to call us. That is one of many moments in my life where I really felt like there is something greater to this life than what we can see.
Fast forward a little to me telling my parents. My dad was actually thrilled. He's all about saving money and thought it was great. My mom on the other hand told me I might go to hell for this and that my grandparents will be so heart broken. I stood firm and told my mom this is what I want to do, so she can attend the wedding or not... but trying to talk me out of it is not going to work this time. I don't think she's used to me standing my ground so she got pretty upset. She started cussing a little and raising her voice to almost a yell. But... I still stood firm. We ended up getting married in the Church and both my parents and both of my grandparents attended. They weren't happy about it, but they also still wanted to see me get married.
That experience taught me a lesson. Life isn't about pleasing others. You really need to do what makes you happy, and those who really love and care about you will still be there for you in the end... even if they don't approve. This experience made me feel like a new person in a good way. I no longer felt this crippling fear about how my parents will feel about the Church. My heart lightened and my soul felt free. This gave me the courage to actively learn more about the Church and pray with real intent. Since I no longer felt fear, this time I really DID want to know the truth. I kept praying with an open heart, every night. I attended Church every Sunday. During this time, I started seeing the missionaries too. Every day, I reflect upon how I felt about everything. Everything just felt so right. It is hard to describe, but I could feel this warm feeling in my chest and it would travel through my whole body. I felt warm all over. Even when I was alone, I didn't feel alone. I kept getting this wonderful feeling. And the more active I became, the more I prayed, and the more I went to Church... the more I felt this feeling. Surely, if doing all of these things feels so great, it can't be wrong.
During one of my meetings with the misssionaries, the most remarkable thing happened. I realized and reflected back to them saying, "If Jesus even got baptized, it's something we all should do." The very thought frightened me. My parents would kill me if I did something like that. Not literally, but that's how scary the thought is to me. Saying what would normally induce a pit in my stomach and make my legs shake, but saying the words had a completely different affect on me. I felt strong saying the words. I felt this burning in my chest and I felt light like I could fly. I really felt like God was giving me strength and like this was the right thing to do. I have no other way to describe this phenomenon.
It's really more of a feeling than anything else for me. I think that's how it is with any religion though. Every religion out there requires faith, and that's because none out there can be completely proven. I realize I will never know everything, so all I can go off of is how I feel. I can tell you with certainty that I have received more respect than ever from the gentlemen in the Church, including my husband. It's hard for me to really see how others view LDS men as dominating, because I have yet to see or experience it. And the most wonderful thing of all about this Church is they believe every being has a right to choose how they live there life, and we have no right to judge others. The only thing we can do is love others the way Christ would. They not only say they believe these things, but they actually live by it. That's probably why Mormons are viewed as "so nice." So yes, they have strict and conservative views, but they don't believe others HAVE to live by those views. Basically, we all have our free agency. So my decision is based on a lot of things, but mainly how I feel.
No comments:
Post a Comment