The Happening

It's happening, slowly yet surely.
I am starting to get over the one who hurt my heart, this getting over a guy thing moving at a slow pace but the best part is that its actually happening.
This is not something that isn't happening and I'm saying is, I'm actually getting over the sumofabitch. I think its me becoming a grown-up and being compliant with the notion  that I could never had gotten something that would never belong to me. The one good thing he did was explain to me in the beginning that I would never be his and he would never be mine. My problem through out this whole "thing" was that I left myself too available with the hope-hope that one day he'd want me in some special way. We both saw this, yet, for some reason we both let him play me like a fiddle... casually tossed to the side. If we are going to overplay this fiddle analogy, it would be safe to say that he was the fiddle player and I was his prized possession, no one could play me but he could play other fiddles. I was just something that was all his and he wasn't all mine. This manipulation of my affection was something that could be blamed on the both of us, we BOTH let my emotions get too far; to the point that when he left me I would be a terrible wreck which I was/still am from time to time. I think its safe to say that both of us actually do have some strong feelings for each other, all though we never talk anymore, that leave us longing for one another's companionship whether it be platonic or romantic. Its the pull towards one another that left our last few moments of friendship to be filled with confusing bittersweet affection- physical and emotional. My one and only regret is how wrong everything turned out to be in the end: my anger towards his deception and disrespect towards me, him trying so hard to not be the bad guy, me feeling so vulnerable and scared to the point where I was begging him to not leave me. Everything just turned into this over dramatic flub that it exposed how over the two of us needed to become, the pain over the fact that our friendship would never blossom into anything more than what it had become just turned into anger, tears, regret, sorrow and remorse on both our parts. I wish I could say that this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do- getting over him- but in reality its hard to be consumed in sorrow over something that was over before it began. As I told him, one time or another, there was always an expiration date on our friendship..... I just wished and hoped it would be at a later date.

I wonder if he does too.