What to do?

At this moment, I am "caught between a rock and a hard place." It's left me tireless and oddly, wanting sweet tea. It's at times like these I am glad that I have faith in a higher power and believe in prayer; even if there is anything that I can not do about a certain situation, hashing it out with "man upstairs" makes me calmer.

[The above statement makes me feel smug. I am okay with this.]

Tonight, I am asking God to giving me the strength to decide the proper solution to a difficult problem. At this moment, as I type and ponder, I am reminded of the lyrics to a song I have had stuck in my head for a couple of days:

"you can't always get what you want.... but if you try sometimes, you get what you need"

How is that for divine intervention?

last year

At the same time, last year, I hated myself and the life that I led. All my mistakes and bad decisions seemed to have drowned me in sorrow. I don't know if you knew it from looking at me but I felt so lost, so alone and so vulnerable. I was an empty shell with a disconnected soul, moving through life with no joy or motivation. The part that I hated the most was the fact that I didn't feel that anything was wrong in my life.

On the contrary, I felt so blessed. My friends and family are strange people but I love them so and they love me. I was healthy, provided for, and smart... all the making for a happy and well-adjusted person.

It was the past, however, that kept me from enjoying life. The path that I chose was damaging and unconventional but mine, none the less. Something that I needed to heal from, to learn from the mistakes of mine and the damages that was placed upon me.

I was so sad last year. 

It's funny what a year does to a person.

I would love to call myself a different person but its not true, I'm the same Liz. Just happier and healthier, still evolving into someone better, prouder and wiser.Still healing and seeking help.

The difference is that I enjoy every minute of everyday now.

This is not to say that I never get sad or angry or discouraged. I wouldn't want to talk too soon.

I'm just not drowning  in the deep sorrow I put myself in, anymore.
I don't hate myself, either.

I've accepted "the things I cannot change," have " the courage to change the things I can " and "the wisdom to know the difference."  

Was this blog lame?

(Should I go teach in South Korea? Questions,Questions)

Feburary 11, 2010

Taylor Lautner needs to hurry up and turn 18, so all the impure thoughts about him will no longer be illegal.

I'll never get used to this

I will always and forever be in second or last place.

It will never matter if I am prettier, younger, more outgoing or have a better overall personality than another person.

For one reason or another, I will always lose.

I wish I didn't see life as a competition but I do and I probably always will.
Damn that low self-esteem of mine!

Even tonight, it was supposed to be my night of self-loathing and belligerent drinking. But I got beat.

 A friend of mine had to just sweep in with more self-loathing, self-hatred, personal issues and lower tolerance. He got drunk and is passed out cold. I'm stone cold sober.

Yay to my life.

The strives of being a Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllll

I love being a girl/woman/female. I love,love it. I may complain about the cramps, bloating, breast soreness, and other disadvantages but it's what makes me a girl/woman/female; I'm okay with it all because I always make well with the hands I get dealt in life.

There are things, however, that I can do without; like for example, the "flash" period. I.e.: I haven't had my period for almost 2 days when it appeared out of know where.

Confused? Here is the explanation:

Last night,  my underwear miraculously gets stained by fresh period blood from my very own vagina. By miraculously, I mean that my period just happen out of no where. That was not supposed to have happen! I can not tell you how unbelievably uncomfortable this makes me feel. And embarrassing, seeing how I had witnesses to this fiasco.

What does this mean? 

I think its due to stress.

But what do I know? 

I am not a doctor.

Even though this is my body and I should know everything else about it.

Oh! I forgot the best part of this story! So I put a pad on last night and surprise,surprise there is no more period blood to be found.

Oh how I love the wonders of the female body.

Thank you Mother Nature for ruining, what could have been, a nice night.

P.S. If this entry is deemed to gruesome or disgusting to read, then go find yourself another blog to read because this one is mine.

Threesomes

I had a snowball conversation yesterday. 

What is a snowball conversation? Well, I'll tell you. 

It's when a completing random conversation stems from a completely different topic. For example, the conversation started like this: 

(guy):Did you see "New Moon"?"

(me): hell yeah. Taylor Lautner is so hot.

(guy): He's dating Taylor Swift, you know.

(me):* Eh, we'll have a threesome. I don't care.

(guy): See, I couldn't have a threesome with those two; Taylor Lautner is too buff.... [conversation goes on about Taylor Lautner and how is body is builty and how if this dude was gay he would like him too. I <3 my friends]

The majority of our conversation was about threesomes. It was pretty hilarious, not at all serious AND not sexual.  No, not the underlying culture movement or anything socially progressive like that. But the benefits and tribulations of the many questions that may go into the planning of a threesome. For example: 

- If a couple was inviting another person into a threesome, would it be better to be friends with said person?

Disagreement

 (guy) Yes, because it would be easier to get into the grove of things [ie. have sex, he claims it would be harder to do so with a stranger].

 (me) No, for two reasons [1] alcohol would ease the uncomfortable-ness and [2] what if the joined person is a friend and they start a secret relationship with one of the people; you can write a stranger out of your life the next day

-Which is better? Two guys and a girl, or two girls, one guy?

Agree, oddly enough but for different reasons

(guy) It would be too much, plus he would "destroy all of the work I did down there"[i'll leave that explanation to the imagination]

(me) the threesome thing does not interest me, however, two guys would end up being too aggressive- I think.

-Why females do not want to have a threesome.

Agree, for the same reasons

(guy) I think she would get jealous if the girl get's better than her. [He said that getting a girl that looked like his girl friend would be dumb because what's the point? The idea is to have sex with two separate woman, not the same one]

(me) I'm too jealous of a person, she might look better than me or have aspects of her body that he likes more. Plus what if he does something to her that he didn't with me?

-Could one enter a couple's bedroom (ie. have a threesome with a couple)

Disagreement

(guy) Eh. I'm in a relationship but if I was single, hell yeah.

(me) No. what if she get's jealous and they start to ignore me? What's the point?

then it went on and on. hahahaha

I'm hoping that the conversation is less boring to the outside world because it was hilarious to me. While wanting or having a threesome may have some deep implications, the fact remains that it is a topic that can inspire insight or hilarious conversations. 

* (Taylor Swift has nothing on my love for Taylor Lautner) 

rebellion

I'm going to apply for a job that I shouldn't just because I'm curious to know if I'll get it.

That is all.