I worry about everything: school, family, dinner, parties, people I don't know, conflicts all over the world, people letting me down, etc. People often tell me, "Hey, Reeeeeelax- take a chill pill." Most times, I can- I end up realizing that what I am worrying about doesn't really matter.
....and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Except when I worry about people letting me down because for some strange reason, I know when and how they are betraying me. Maybe its the universe's way of cushioning the blow to my soul. Maybe it's psychotic.
The point of the matter is..... I know and it doesn't make me hurt any less.
It's the worst feeling in the world, building up trust in a person and feel the pain when it ends up blowing up in my face. There are times when i smack myself, when I thought that this time.... this time the person was different.
9 times out of 11, I am proven wrong.
For some strange reason, I am pulled back up from my sorrow and I fall victim to blind trust, to believing the type of character a person percieves themself to have.
Most times, however, one can find me waiting.... always on edge, always ready to be let down when I am once again proven wrong.
At this point in my life, the number of times I have been let down has outnumbered the times that I haven't. So I sit here still like a lioness waiting for its prey until the next time my heart feels broken.
When my eyes weep again.
When I am sorrowfully dispointed.
Mostly, I just wait for the day when I am the person that I trust to never break my own heart, to never commit those acts that violate my love and to never worry if another person will prove me wrong again.
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