I wish someone would have explained to me a long time ago that ending a friendship on bad terms is as bad as breaking up with someone. Coming from a girl who has ended more friendships than having been in relationships with a significant other, I can tell you that heart ache is heart ache, all that matters is whether or not you are close to a person.
When the friendship you just ended straddled the line between romance and deep friendship, the type of hurt you experience just travels all over. The type of hurt starts in your heart, floods the brain, tickles your toes then tares through your soul in only a matter of seconds. Everything hurts. Everything makes you want to vomit. You want the time to stop what it's doing, just so you can take a breather and fully comprehend what is actually going on in your body.
If you read this and try to fool me into thinking that I was in love, please stop reading now. Actually, stop reading now and forget everything that you just read. You may laugh at my silliness, but seriously, back.that.train. up. and shut the fuck up. You have no idea what I am trying to convey and I need you take your false intelligence else where. Preferably away from my blog.
I wasn't, I know I wasn't.
I refuse to let someone have that power over me. I actually do not think that I believe in romantic love or the type of love that swallows you whole and spits you out a new clean person. I only believe in intense infatuation with another person, the type of emotion that when it swallows you whole, it spits you out in shards with some glass mixed in for good measure.
That feeling, I have felt over and over again, just on different levels with different men. All unworthy of any romantic love I could have spit out if I actually believed in the concept.
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