ideal body weight

I see myself as being overweight.

It's hard not to, when I look into the mirror all I see is an array of flub, tub and extra skin. Basically, it grosses me out to look at my naked body. I would like to live in a world where I can owe all my curves and "meat on my bone" to natural beauty. To just be happy with the card I've been dealt with by the genetics pool. Life is odd in someways, however, girls whose slim, athletic bodies I admire, admire mine for its curves. I want to say that I don't wish for the stick figure look but I'm starting to realize that I may never be happy with my body.

I think I'm fat when I've gotten skinny,
I think I'm fat when I'm average size and
I think I'm fat when I've just gained a few pounds.

I wonder when I'm going to actually be happy with my body. I hope that I get the courage to actually believe that the ideal body size starts with the mind first, then with the body.

I wish that I get the courage to not be afraid of food.
I wish that I get the courage to love my curves.
I wish that I get the courage to realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In the end, I hope that I just end up being healthy which ever way that it takes my body. Being a woman has its drawbacks in the body department, sadly, we are expected to be acceptably slender (ie, athletic but not too athletic, small but not 'bony') but our bodies are made to stretch and change. I hope that there is one day where I start to like my body and not rely on a guy to tell me it's beautiful. This is because, at the end of the day..... I have to be the one who sees myself naked.

Inspirational Speech by Randy Pausch, shortened on Oprah!

egalitarian like.

my friend read the blog that I written before this one, apparently it was harsh. In my defense, at 200a in the morning I am always harsh. His defense is that females do have a secret motive when it comes to guys, its not a lie.

Well, guys have one too so why can't women?

I have noticed that at my age (college aged or college graduates) that women and men have two separate goals when it comes to accomplishing these "hidden agendas."

Women will manipulate their ways into wallets while men will manipulate their ways into a woman's vagina.

[Yeah I said it]

This isn't a blog about how or why, however, this is more a blog about "which" agenda is more dangerous? Yes, the sex vs. money conversation. Which is more dangerous?
Which pisses people off more when they find out they have been used?
etc....

The answer? It is all in the eye of the beholder and you have to ask yourself this: who's getting fucked over? I can say that when you're the one who is being used for sex, you would rather have been used for money and vice versa.

Money and sex can both be emotionally charged, if you allow it. For example, if you lend money to a close friend who you thought was going to repay you and they didn't. It hurts. If a person has sex with you under false pretense and then you find out the truth, that also hurts too. Being used is being used, no matter what its for.

On the collegiate level the stories could go like this:
Guy is dating girl, spends money on her and then finds out that's all she's using him for. Sucks for him.
On the flip side, girl is dating guy who is very interested for sex. Girl overhears that sex is all he wants. Sucks for her too.

Hate it all you want, men and women may have secret agendas but if its sex or money they are after, it definitely hurts the same.

why?

It's 2:10am and I am awake, I wanted to go asleep 15 minutes ago but 2 minutes before that... I found this article. I just HAD to comment:

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/bad-date-bad-hook-up?link=rel&dom=yah_life&src=syn&con=blog&mag=mar&ha=1

[The gist, guy and girl hook up after a drunk night at a party. Seen from both sides, before the hook-up and after]

Why do guys sometimes think that girls have an secret motive (I know its a generalization but its 215a and I don't feeeeeeeeeeeel like making this egalitarian!) when it comes to females? Or that they like to think that we (women) are more emotionally involved than we actually are? SERIOUSLY?! Or that we are more involved than they are, when really.... its the same. Get over the ego and fess up to a few things:

1) The blame is on both sides.
2) Feelings are mutual
3) Grow up.
and 4) Stop pulling that victim crap when it comes to mistakes like the one listed above, unless further evidence shows the contrary (the article admits a silenced mutual agreement) the act was wanted on both sides.

ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr..... the article pissed me off because the male (while drunk) rationalized that he wanted sex or a gift for his b-day from the woman and 'sensing' that she wanted some too dove in. The next morning he got scared because he liked some other girl and then tried to fool himself into thinking she wanted more. When in actuality it was just humorless talk fueled by awkwardness and a hope to remain friends.

Moral of my blog: Sometimes, as people, we need to stop looking for that hidden meaning in conversations or acts because in reality they can just be random.



In other news: Flash Mob on Oprah!

obama education speech

I used to have the whole speech on my blog but it took up too much cyber room, my commentary:

It fucking rocked!

likes.crushes.attachments

I have an affinity for liking people more than they like me. Not just with potentials, I'm talking: friends, acquaintances, professors, children, and step-parents. I can't help it, my heart has a lot to give and I am so eager to give it to people.

Its just that sometimes, I wish I could be more selective when it comes to people because honestly, people are easy to hurt me by betraying me. I just don't it.

Why can't life just be A & B?

If you care about someone, they care about you too.
If they don't like you that way, they just tell you.
and if there is any confusion.... you just let it all out.

I'm just so tired of being crushed and then going back further into my shell. I wish I could tell the world why I get so attached easily.

But, in case you haven't noticed, I am beginning to not trust so easily. [That's an exaggeration, I don't trust a lot of people to know the real me. Just the hyper me.]

ayo. down on my knees.

.sometimes, songs don't mean exactly what you feel but its pretty damn close.