ideal body weight

I see myself as being overweight.

It's hard not to, when I look into the mirror all I see is an array of flub, tub and extra skin. Basically, it grosses me out to look at my naked body. I would like to live in a world where I can owe all my curves and "meat on my bone" to natural beauty. To just be happy with the card I've been dealt with by the genetics pool. Life is odd in someways, however, girls whose slim, athletic bodies I admire, admire mine for its curves. I want to say that I don't wish for the stick figure look but I'm starting to realize that I may never be happy with my body.

I think I'm fat when I've gotten skinny,
I think I'm fat when I'm average size and
I think I'm fat when I've just gained a few pounds.

I wonder when I'm going to actually be happy with my body. I hope that I get the courage to actually believe that the ideal body size starts with the mind first, then with the body.

I wish that I get the courage to not be afraid of food.
I wish that I get the courage to love my curves.
I wish that I get the courage to realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In the end, I hope that I just end up being healthy which ever way that it takes my body. Being a woman has its drawbacks in the body department, sadly, we are expected to be acceptably slender (ie, athletic but not too athletic, small but not 'bony') but our bodies are made to stretch and change. I hope that there is one day where I start to like my body and not rely on a guy to tell me it's beautiful. This is because, at the end of the day..... I have to be the one who sees myself naked.