life keeps hitting me with a big bag of rocks

it's 2am on a school night and thoughts about the vast amount of trust issues i have accumilated throughout the years is keeping me up. Joy!  

the trust issues i have stem from the many lies and betrayals that i have endured throughout the years. 

i can say that these issues is 1 part stupidity (my part), 2 parts douche-baggery (their part). [or maybe that's just a statement that i hope is true!] 

*because nothing is really my fault right? just the hand i have been dealt by the universe.

i feel as if i have to do an overhaul of my life around me: analyzing the people in my life, the choices i have made, the signs i have missed (i am a firm believer in allowing the universe to guide you) and the path my life is going to take if i don't stick to the changes i have been (constantly) trying to change. 

my greatest vice is that i am a victim of believing that people only have goodness in their heart and deserve to be complimented, loved, helped, and fufilled.....

...... and it will continue to screw with my head until the day i die

because i refuse to change that aspect of my life. 

o boy, my mind is as messy as my room. 

*sarcasim, im not that delusional about life, gosh. 

Why I don't have a boyfriend.....

...........because I meet too many of these. :-)  

The things males do: Lesson 1

I had an ephiphany today, while talking to a friend about guys.

Okay, maybe it was a different person that I am thinking about, about the same subject.

The point of the matter is, I had a thought that I want to share with the world.

There seems to be this thing that guys do, to those females who are emotionally vulnerable and have feelings for them. They make these types of females believe that they return these types of feelings and string them along on a emotional rollercoaster of being sweet, thoughtful, wonderful and unlike any other male that they have met.

And right when the moment is ripe, they strike and sleep (or get oral sex, just about anything that will bring about a male orgasm) with this female !

and then just like that.... they are gone.

Not in the physical sense, but the phone calls get fewer and far between, the attitude changes from great to douch-y and its realized that there were no feelings what so ever.

Why? because they (the emotionally vulnerable female) was played!!!

The guy saw an opprotunity for sex and took it! The sex/fooling around may happen just one time or plenty more times but ceast to stop when the girl becomes "crazy" aka ready to press the relationship further to a monogomous one and they (the guys) are screaming "Um. No" in their minds or to their friends.

[or maybe the female was crazy and the guy noticed it too late! :-S]

It may seem like I am saying that men are sexual voltures and

well, I am not going to lie: some of them are.

The female is left heartbroken, confused, and upset..... possibly trying to recount the scenes in their head over and over again. Or not! Whatever.

This blog is trying to make a plea!

Females: if you want a relationship with a guy, fuck him afterwards. You get to know a males' true colors when he waits for sex.

and

Males: Don't you see that this is a shitty thing to do? and karma is going to do nothing and bite you in the ass. Or give you an STI/STD.


'tis all.

EDIT: STI/STDs are not a punishment, however, the types of men who play this game tend to have many multiple sexual partners which increase their likelyhood for sexually transmitted infections/diseases.

Peaceful-ness

"bought a car, turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?" -Transformers

With all my guy issues aside, life has been treating me well. (I hope writing that won't deliver me a kick in the cosmic face!) I think I'm finding my voice, its starting to come out a little more and all I can say is...DAMN!... I'm going to need to learn how to fight, because my inner voice is somewhat of a bitch. :-) I have been saying, "No!" a lot more lately which is something I hardly ever do. 

Im realizing, slowly, that being a good person shouldn't be a mission in self sacrifice or self martyr -ization. 

Life is moving a long slowly & surely good pace for inner peace, something that has alluded me for so long. :-) 

question of the month

When does one give up on being "in like" with a friend and just concentrate on the friendship? 

Hmmmm

I wonder if I believe in love. With the impending Day of Dread (aka Valentine's Day) steadily approaching, I find myself contemplating the cons of being single (this is because throughout the year, I only concentrate on the pros.... seriously). Its not that I need companionship to define the type of person I am becoming. The fact of the matter is that I like to feel wanted, needed and cared for just like everyone else. Sadly, even with all my wonderful friends around, I get this impending feeling of lonliness. 

It's this feeling that gets me into trouble with guys, I believe. 

Snow day, No Snow

It was a historic Tuesday today,however, I have something to be upset about.

There was no snow today.I know that I shouldn't complain, I had no school today and I witnessed history on television today but I was promised snow by the news today. I've lived in areas where snow doesn't accumulate much, so snow is a coveted event. I love percipitation- rain, sleet, snow, anything but alas, mother nature failed me. I had planned on making snow angels, snow men and put some beer in the snow (I wasn't going to drink it. I swear!). If I had had an actual snow day, I would have cleaned my room but since the weather men lied to me, I did nothing of the sort. 

Erk. 

;-(