the tragic end of happiness

I am writing this blog while in tears, like, at this moment I am actively crying. Not because I am miserable but because I am happy.

For the first time in my life, I can say that I am happy.

Really happy.

..... and usually when i am this happy

bad things happen that make everything crumble down.

someone once told me that it seems like I expect bad things to happen.

and Im trying not to.

but instinct tell me to be prepared
even though I dont wanna.

because in the end I want to quit saddness and embrace happiness
and put away the bad stuff.

and live in the good.
because I've had a lot of bad things happen to me and I've done the bad too

but for once, I want it to all be okay.
Im trying very hard to not let the worst control me.

But most dont understand, is the work it takes to keep the bad things from taking over.

to sadness:

Latter Days

I am not one who is big on the concept of "...happily ever after." I see it as one big lie, so naturally I try not to watch movies that try to shove the whole "meet the ones we love and live happily ever after" concept down my throat.

Every once in a while, however, a movie will ignite the childhood hope that one day prince charming will sweep me off my feet.

At this moment, Im watching Latter Days, a gay romance movie written by the same guy who wrote Sweet Home Alabama. Im not going to go into the summary but if you enjoy gay romance, wa-atch this movie.

Quote of life: ".... of equating sex with a handshake."

What chu know bout college?

"Of course you have to get a graduate degree, in today's world a college diploma doesn't cut it."
-said to me by a 15 year old.

Roommate quote of the month

Scene: Her pooping in a toliet, door open.

Her: My cousin's right.
Me: About?
Her: Sometimes taking a shit is better than having sex.
Me: Amen.

I hate poems. but im in a mood.

When I was younger, the future seemed so bright.
Mom and Dad were the brightest and my beacons of light.
A mother's kiss eased the pain of the biggest boo-boo,
and no one kissed boys because they were stupid
Fairy tales weren't just stories, they were how-to books of love.
Classmates wondered why you couldn't afford gloves.
and everything seemed a little more okay,
just because.

--- At work, a two year old swore up and down that her very pregnant mother was going to give birth to a girl and her slightly overweight father was going to pop out a bouncin baby boy.
Why?
Because girls gave birth to girls and boys had the boys.

I miss those days when the most off the wall reasonings seemed the most logical.


<<<<<<<< so ends the failed experiment of whether or not I should be taking medication, the

Being Single, Part 2

I was informed by a co-worker today that 'it was about time that I got a boyfriend.' What made him come to that conclusion, he didn't know. He just thought that I needed one.

Thanks! I greatly appriciate the friendly advice. (gag, gag)

Why is it assumed that I need a boyfriend? Its stated in the previous blog I am quite 'content' being a single gal, I acutally enjoy it quite a bit. And by content I mean that I have given up on looking for one and have decide to take a break before continuing the search.

I just don't think why people think I need a boyfriend? Are the words "This girls needs a male significant other. Promptly!" tattooed on my forever?

Why would having a boyfriend make me happy? And why do I need one, is he going to clean my room because in that case- give me three because I am that messy.

Urg. I would really appriciate it if people stopped trying to tell me what they think I want, need or should have. Im getting tired.

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog song: On the Rise

:-)

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is from Joss Whedon.
This duet is sang by Felicia Something and NPH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOKm7mxGV6w

one is NOT the lonliness number

I get good grades in school, I'm passionate about life, I pay my rent and bills on time, I'm funny, smart and not unattractive. I am, however, single and I don't see that as a bad thing.

I am not trying to add another notch in the whole "single v relationship' argument- if there even is an argument- being single is not as bad as those relationship people make it out to be.

So you're not having sex.... big deal, you're not going to die.

So you don't have a bf/gf to cuddle with... you also don't have one to fight with.

So you're alone.... you're alone with yourself which allows you to know yourself better.

Getting to know myself is probably my favorite part of being single. I do not think I would have been able to make the emotional strives that I have if I was actually in a relationship. I have realized how strong I am without having an ultimate crutch. I have been hurt and manipulated but had the advantage of walking away without the sentimental attachment. Life hasn't always been too easy and I have had a number of flings along the way but nothing too detrimental that I could not just walk away from it with just an emotional bruise.

Maybe I will find that special guy one day, but whether its today, tomorrow, next month, next year or in 5 years: I know I'll be okay.