20 things.... (no real order!)

I am thankful for...
20. Glee, if you love musicals- you would the show. It's about these misfits and not so misfits who are in a Glee club, mentored by the Spanish teacher at their schoo, Mr. Shuester. This show covers everything that high school could be about (hahaha, I wouldn't know) teen pregnancy, sexting, crushes on teachers, parent abandonment, adoption, falling in love, homosexuality, etc.
19. College, I love to learn, I love my professors, the Women's Studies Department, I like my job, the campus, the food joints, janitors, food service people, etc! The love I have for them all is probably why I haven't left yet.
18. Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black in New Moon, how could I not be thankful for this "hunka-hunka burning love"? He is what made New Moon enjoyable. I loved him so much that I bought a shirt. In February, I'll be thankful that he's 18, graduates him from jailbail to eye candy.
17. My new found strength, which makes me realize that I am worth it- that I do not deserve to be manipulated and disregarded for someone else's pleasure. I am not a cold hearted bitch for telling people how I feel I should be treated because I that's what I feel it should be.
16. Christmas Carols, though I'm not entirely in the mood for Christmas, Christmas carols put me in a warm mood. Even the sad ones, ie "Christmas Shoes."
15. A professor who grades papers while in South Africa, Seriously, who does that? A wonderful woman, that's who.
14. Phem interactive magazine, its my feminist break from the outside world.... it sparks ideas and gives me something to think, its the best thing that no one is talking about! Make it loud!
13. Food, more specifically: Filipino, Japanese, Indian, and Vietnamese; without your consumption, I would not have gained that extra 10 pounds this year.
12. A job, it may not be the best job on the planet but it is mine and brings in some extra income, something that many people do not have these days.
11. Facebook, if it wasn't for this social networking site, I would have no idea what is going on in anybody's world PLUS its a great distraction from school. Plus it helped me connect with friends and family that I have not seen in years!
10. Books, the perfect book is an exciting escape from reality. If I could, I would stay in my room and read all day.
9. New friendships, making friends is hard, its easy for some and harder for others. I am glad that I have met some awesome people at this time and can't wait to get to know them better! Some, I treasure more than others! Over the past year, I have let go of people and allowed some to enter into my life.
8. Old friendships, these people have been here since the beginning of college. They are the oldest and closest friends I have. I can't get enough of them, which makes me miss the past because we all had more time to spend with eachother.
7. Don't Stop Believing by Journey, it's become my anthem of sorts- if I can't finish a paper or project.... these are the lyrics I think of.
6. Tropicana at Atlantic City, NJ, so its taken most of my college tuition but it reminds me that sometimes, I am a princess and should be treated as such.
5.Text messages, if you have been on the receiving end of one, you should know why! I love sending them more than receiving, and while they are no substitute for voice interaction.... they allow to have conversations with people when you really don't want to. AND HAVE BECOME TOOLS FOR GOSSIP!
4. My Maryland Family, Thank you for not forgetting us, you could really write us out of your lives and you choose not too. I love you!
3. My adopted extended family, You know.... my "aunt" and "cousins," you have been there for us through thick and thin and vice versa. I love you, we love you!
2. My parents , you're not the best but you try very hard and I thank you for it! I know Im a hard kid to get through to but...... what ev.
1. Last but not least, my brother, it makes me cry when I think about how close we are not anymore. We've been through a lot and I love you a lot. You are more independent than I give you credit for. I guess you could say that you are my first baby, but we raised each other.  From what I can tell, we did a pretty damn good job. I am more excited for your future than I am for mine! I know you will get ahead in this world, just keep your head up high and your feet on the ground.

Defying Gravity

Tear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g4ekwTd6Ig




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Ellen pretty much sums it all up

Crying

I wish crying didn't have such a negative connotation. I have found that I often cry when I am full of so much emotion: happiness, sadness and anger(ness). For the first time, in such a long time- I feel just fine. I have come to realize my life isn't perfect, that things won't go my way and that my life is just beginning.

At this moment, however, I am content. No matter how much I complain about how I think things will go bad, I just want everyone to know that at this precise moment I feel lucky. Lucky that while my life hasn't been exactly perfect, that I haven't been exactly perfect, I'm thankful for everyone and everything in life.

This is probably why I'm crying right now, my heart feels so full with emotion that it might bust at the seems. [Think in terms of large breasts in a corset, you perv.]

I don't like to use the word happy because I believe that it may jinx my overall feeling but right now I want to remember just how great it feels to finally feel normal and free to be my true self.

Just happily me!

nights like these: My only attempt at Poetry

there are nights like these
where everything is still
just the buzzing of electricity
the faint chatter of my neighbors through thin walls
and me
quiet
patient
terrified

on nights like these
i cry
fearing the things that i dont want to happen
damning the things that shouldn't have happen
caring about the things that i want to make happen
the shouldas,wouldas and couldas
so many things keep me away

on nights like these
that make me wonder
where i would be
if my past didnt happen
if i didn't have to find strength in what has happen
if everything that has happen
was different

on nights like these
i am thankful
for people
places
things
for strength
happiness
and the new love i have for myself

on nights like these
i finally realize
that the past is the past
and i wouldn't change anything
because
i wouldnt be who i am
at this exact moment of realization
that i am finally
patient
thankful
happy

Nor'easter and other stuff

I live in the region that is so hard hit by the Nor'easter that a state of emergency has been issued. The majestic sound of rain hitting the window sill, extra time to do homework, cool looking floods and other sights quickly were replaced by a leak on my wall, annihilation of hometown site, getting stuck with roommates who only converse with each other and endless episodes of The Office.

Suffice to say, I'm getting sick of the time spent in the home and the rain.

It's quite annoying, I could have gone to the mall AND I don't have any champagne. ( I don't want to get drunk, I just like the taste of it!)

I did manage to make a pretty great batch of curry. I cut back on the amount of curry base I used this time, so it wasn't as thick as the previous time I made it. I'm pretty excited about this, since I am pretty much a crappy cook. Oooooh, and along with this I bought some Basmati rice with Naan bread, so it was a mixture of the Orient going on on my dinner plate! [Indian curry is not made with curry powder like the paste I used].

I am very excited for this and GLEE! The best new show on television.

That is all

Getting into the future

Just for my friend who would like to shove me into the working world, I am going to attend an internship panel on Tuesday after my work study job! Then sometime in this month, I will try to attend a panel on non-profit organizations. Do you know what this means loyal readers? That I have SOME motivation towards getting a career which is a step up from having NO motivation. I still do not know what I want to do with my life, go to graduate school perhaps or sonography school. Money used to not bother me but now I want some. If I ever want to be a single mom, I need to support it. LoL! Look here at what I am thinking about doing: http://www.mayo.edu/mshs/sono-career.html . All in all, I want to work with women, in some form and in another, I would like to look at babies while they are in the belly. :-) My hope is that this job will provide me with a 9-5 job, a great paycheck and time to work with a non-profit organization! 

Grrrrr..... you know what this babble means? I'm going to be a student forever!

:-S Sorry friend.