the unwanted

When listening to people's reactions about health care reform, I tend to think that some people's reactions are just plain selfish and ignorant. Especially the part where people think they are too great to pay "for those who use the emergency room as a physicians office or gangsters, drug dealers, prostitutes who should just be left for dead blah blah" or believe that illegal immigrants are going to receive health care under the 'public option.'

Morons, the majority of these hecklers are probably the same people who believe that Obama was going to take away their guns. Erg

What makes me mad about these comments is that they are coming from the type of people who either never experienced being poor or did have that experience but have forgotten what it felt like to be poor.

I'm not saying that everyone who believes that the 'public option' is wrong hates poor people or that they tote guns.

The two points I want to make are these:

First, many of those who are uninsured work 2 or 3, sometimes 4 jobs and are barely making ends meat. With no extra time or money to spend on regular check ups or to schedule appointments, going to the hospital will always be a last resort. Some critics will say that a person could avoid the cost and time in an emergency room if one had regular check ups, however, the quality and provisions that is sustained by the type of hospital one straddling or at the poverty line could afford rarely has the necessary equipment to find or treat any major injuries.

Second, why is it that the minority is always to represent the majority? People like to talk about those they won't want to insure through this private option; illegal immigrants, prostitutes, drug dealers, gangsters, etc forget that the majority are often time full time working mothers, sick babies, sick children, sick adults who can't afford proper medical care, or the homeless (who are more likely the mentally ill or veterans). You know what type of people I don't want to finance? The Bernie Matloffs, the guys at Enron and everyone else who feeds on the suffering and financial instability of the world. Wait, aren't those people rich- as in so rich that they spend more money in a week that I would ever make in the span of my life time.

I just asking that people look and research before they air their opinions. Erk

HappyHappyJoyJoy

Despite what this blog may show, I am actually quite in a happy place.

I'm not saying that this is the happiest that I have ever been or that I am waiting for something to happen that will make me unhappy. But I am in a content place in my life where I would like for things to stay the same.

I feel strong enough to handle things but not at a place yet where I could handle the disastrous.

This is normally the part in my life where things go wrong, usually means that I will lose people in my life in the sense that they will not be there, not for me but just distant.

I hate when friends become distant and I wish that was okay.

[end of the emo part]

I had a dream last night, where my sugar glider Meiko was still alive but my family appeared as they currently are. She kept getting away from me, first she hid in the oven and I had to get her out of there in time before she was cooked [that imagery is in part to a graphic fml about a rabbit]. Then I went to open the door and a big gust of wind picked her up and she started to glide away from me. She would make these swoops at me and I couldn't catch her because it was too high, it took my brother to catch her.

Then I woke up.

The dream bothered me so much at 5am, that I couldn't sleep until 7am because it jolted me so much. I couldn't help but wonder what the dream meant.

What I hope it didn't mean was that a friend that I have already lost is going to slip away, no matter how much I like to think that I have him/her again. If that's true, I hope that means that it would be someone I used to care about and not someone I currently care about.

Because that would suck.

Re-new Prom

I didn't go to my prom in high school, its not that I didn't want to be girley with the makeup, dresses or date. I just didn't see myself with classmates I had no connection with, dancing the night away. I do remember thinking that I had missed something special the next day by not going. Then I remembered myself in the 5th grade, who told herself that she wasn't going to something such as that. It wasn't fate that kept me from going, however, it was just choice.

So I have decided that I am going to find something similar around here and go to that. I am going to buy a nice dress and find me a date (or not, who cares) and go. There have been some options and opportunities that have shown themselves in the past around valentines day. Although, I don't know if I want this to coincide with such a holiday. Its going to take sometime and I don't know if Im going to do it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........................

Review: Very Young Girls

Attention anyone who has ever had a bad opinion of prostitutes and "the Life." "The Life," I have learned from this movie is the name given to the realm of the prostitute, her pimp and the johns. You need to watch the movie "Very Young Girls," a movie that will, hopefully, change your rather insensitive view of prostitutes.

"Very Young Girls" is a documentary about trying to rehabilitate young prostitutes out of 'the life' and the trials to remove her from said world. The movie states that most prostitutes enter their profession at age 13-14 years old, which also is the average age for most females who have to endure this type of lifestyle. "Very Young Girls" introduces the organization "GEMS," Girls Educational and Mentoring Services which is homed in New York City, ran by a former prostitute (?)named Rachael whose goal is to help young girls continue their lives separated and away from prostitution and other forms of sexual exploitation. She tries to instill self-esteem and work skills into the young girls but many seem to fall back into their pimps' lives.

The removal of girls from the strong arm of their pimps is not an easy task. Most of these girls feel a strong attachment to their pimps, either as a loving or parental force. This may be hard to believe but living the life is sometimes an easy trade for love and belonging. Something that most of these girls do not receive from their own homes or parents. Many of the girls featured in this movie offer a narration of how they met and developed their relationship with their pimps which led them to become prostitutes.

This story is rather sad and tugs at the heartstrings, as awfully cliche as that sounds. Another striking part of this documentary of the inclusion of home videos featuring a snippet of what may happen in form of manipulation and coercion between a pimp and his "hoe." These tapes were collected as evidence against two pimps, made by the pimps themselves.

It's a powerful film and I believe that everyone who cares about children and those who don't should watch it!

adventures of flasheshercoochie woman

Oh,oh!

Today, I decided to take a change from my normal routine and wear a dress. My dress was not too short and very modest, however, I did something that made the dress and my look very immodest.

I decided to ride a bike, not a wise choice for a rainy day and for a girl who decides to wear barely-there underwear. I hope that the picture that I am painting is one where I am wearing a dress with the skirt part rising up my thigh and creating a funnel that showed off my underwear. This happened at every moment I pedaled or got onto the bike.

I know I flashed others, I could see it n their faces. Those wide eyed looks of surprise that screamed "Oh my god, oh no she didn't!" and "Is that really her underwear that I am seeing?!"

So if you were at my college today and you saw a girl with an uncomfortable look on her face that had a sorry expression, she apologizes.

She really, really did not mean to flash you and the tens of others who may require counseling to recover from the trauma of seeing my undies!

Sorry. Sorry.

.... and they lived Happily Ever After

[radio edit] Stay tuned for a different blog.

Question: Have you noticed a theme behind the whole happily ever after fairy tale?
She always gets the guy, after only knowing him for a while.

This is a poor example for little kids who eat this thing up.

Relationships and marriage should take more effort, nothing goes easily in life. Including love.

TMI:Conversation at the OB/GYN

I got a pap smear today. I am not ashamed to admit that because I believe that all females over the age of 18 (before that if you become sexually active early).

RN: I am about to check your insides.
(Okay, I forgot what she exactly said but she basically was going to stick a glove covered finger in my vagina)
Me: Do you have KY on your finger?
RN: Yes, I have KY all over it.

LoL. Doesn't that read like the bad script of an equally bad porno?

once upon a time.

1. List 20 things you want to say to 20 different people but you know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
4. Never discuss it again.



1. I wish I were a better person to you and someone you can be proud of in every way. Please ignore my faults and mistakes, I make no excuses for myself but to say that I am sorry for making you see me that way. I love you so much that it hurts my heart that you live so far away from me. Sometimes I wish it was still you and I against the world because for as badly as things were, you were my one constant in my world. I love you and I hope you love me too.

2. Sometimes I blame you for the way I feel about men and love and other times I just want to hear your voice. My feelings for you are highly conflicted but Ill always be here for you. That's because I became a better person than what you would have wanted me to become. I don't believe in revenge and hatred like you do, because if that was the case.... you wouldn't be in my life.

3. I know we fight, I just hope you are proud of me. I keep things from you for a good reason because releasing those secrets would break your heart. Just know that I am more like you than you will ever know. My spirit, my being, my strength and my heart comes from you. I hope you know that everytime it seems like I dont like you.

4. I wish you knew who you are and that you could be a better person. But you don't, so you're not. I used to think I cared greatly about you but thats not the case anymore. Thanks for showing me that I shouldn't let feelings cloud my judgement about people. That's the one fucked up thing I have taken away from what ever that was.

5. I have watched you grow into a fine young woman and I hope you a happy life. I just hope that you don't sacrifice your self-worth for that thing called love. If you could ever take anything from me its this: "When it comes to men, watch what they do. Not what they say." and "That nothing, not even love, is worth your self worth." Oh an be patient with her, although she may act self-centered its the best she can do and all she knows.

6. I wish I was a better friend to you because if I was, maybe you wouldn't have just casted me aside for some guy. Its whatever, because I'm here for you when you need me.

7. I wish you lived closer to me, your guidance reminds me that what I am going through is normal. I love you and thank you for everything that you have done for us!

8. I can't believe that I was ever nice to you. I hope we never talk to each other again because you aren't worth the carbon monoxide it takes to tell you to go away. If I hated people, you would be the first on my list. You have no idea how badly your manipulations cost me but I am slowly getting my life back. I wish nothing bad on you, I just hope that you can GO AWAY and NEVER COME BACK! This is one thing I hope you read and understand.

9. I love you as a professor, you make going to class so much easier and I love your hippy-dippy style of teaching! I wish there was a professor like you in every department, maybe students would like their college more! :-)

10. I hope you know that you are so much better and have so much more worth than what you are showing. That is why everyone is mad at you all the time, its just that the people there dont know how to encourage others. I hope you make it in this world because I see and know that you can. IF YOU WEREN'T SO LAZY! GET OFF YOUR ASS!

11. Besides my brother, you are the only other person I have known since birth. I have watched you grow despite your disability. Parts of me wishes that you were normal but other parts of me just loves you the way you are! I hope your future is amazing, and if it isn't you'll always have a place in my home!

12. I wish you could have told me how much I hurt you that one moment, maybe we would have stayed friends. In any case, I hope that what you want may not be your destiny. If it is, then you will have to work extra hard to get it! Remember, brick walls are there for you to knock them down if what you really-really want is behind them.

13. For as many times I call you an asshole, you are not. I'm just going to leave it at that

14. "Thanks for being a friend, travel down the road and back again, your heart is true your a pal and a confidant and if you threw a party invited everyone one you knew. you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: thank you for being a friend." I loved that I had you in my life, you saved me from overall depression in the short time that we were close friends. I'm soooo glad that we reconnected! I just hope that line never gets cut!

15. You and I are so much a like that it blows my mind. I'm so glad that we met and I think of you as my good friend to! Thanks for making the effort and inviting me out! I cherish my time with you! You have no idea what you have brought to my life.

16. I wish you realize that your self worth isn't equated by the amount of men who think that you are beautiful, want to sleep with you or buy want to buy you things. You have three people in your life who want you in theirs, you just have done them a disservice by not being there. I wish you could cut out everything else and just become a strong role model for them. They need it! I hope you realize that you are very lucky for the support system you have in your life. You need them more than they need you.

17. You stole my innocence and I hate you for that. You told me you loved me and now I don't know what that means. I'm all kinds of fucked up because of you. I hope karma got you because if it hasn't, it will.

18. What can I say? I thought we were friends but obviously you don't know what that means. I wish you the best and hope that one day you finally get it, that you are not the cat's meow. Other than that, I hope you get over him and learn to treat people better. If you don't, all those talents, charm, and smarts you think you have will not help you when you become exactly like your mother. (which is not a compliment)

19. I wish I knew you better or the fact that you were never sick! You seemed like an amazing woman and I am happy to carry your name! Please look after me, because I now think of you as a guardian angel!

20. ...last but not least: you. I know you were reading this trying to figure out which one you where so I left you as the last just to annoy you. I hate that you think that you are not all that and a bag of chips, because you are an amazing person with an amazing heart. You allow me to open myself up to you without being judging or mocking and I thank you for that. I thank you for that because that never happens for me. I hope you and I are friends for a long time. I also hope that knowing me has been as eye-opening as it has been for me. I know I annoy you and hope you realize its just because I dont have any friend who treats me as well as you do and I dont want that to go away. That is all.

how I,sometimes, wish I felt about love

Okay, I'll admit it. Country music has the best love songs. (songs starts at 0:53)

How I feel about love

In reality, I really don't need all that chivalry and romantic B.S. (although its very much appreciated and welcomed) but in the long run, elephant has it right. :-)

Last year

Around this time, last year my college suffered the lost of a couple of its students. One girl was a freshman, a victim of a car accident and another was a fighter of cystic fibrosis (she happen to be in a class that I was taking). Even though I did not know these two girls extremely well or at all, I still mourned them. It touched me greatly because they were a member of my collegiate community and their causes of death are something that could affect me on a personal level.

The freshman died doing something that friends and I have done plenty of times, on her way home from some late night adventure when her car overturned. The other girl suffered from an ailment that doesn't have a long life expectancy, and ailment that my own [distanced] cousin suffered from. These girls have friends who miss them, family who anguished over their loss and their people who could have gained from knowing them but never got to know them.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't as sensitive as I am and other times I am happy for it. I see all human life as a gift, and when one is taken for whatever reason.... I feel that they should be mourned, whether or not I knew them. Not every death I read about effects me to the point of tears but many do, especially when I read personal accounts from family and friends.

Ramblings.

ideal body weight

I see myself as being overweight.

It's hard not to, when I look into the mirror all I see is an array of flub, tub and extra skin. Basically, it grosses me out to look at my naked body. I would like to live in a world where I can owe all my curves and "meat on my bone" to natural beauty. To just be happy with the card I've been dealt with by the genetics pool. Life is odd in someways, however, girls whose slim, athletic bodies I admire, admire mine for its curves. I want to say that I don't wish for the stick figure look but I'm starting to realize that I may never be happy with my body.

I think I'm fat when I've gotten skinny,
I think I'm fat when I'm average size and
I think I'm fat when I've just gained a few pounds.

I wonder when I'm going to actually be happy with my body. I hope that I get the courage to actually believe that the ideal body size starts with the mind first, then with the body.

I wish that I get the courage to not be afraid of food.
I wish that I get the courage to love my curves.
I wish that I get the courage to realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In the end, I hope that I just end up being healthy which ever way that it takes my body. Being a woman has its drawbacks in the body department, sadly, we are expected to be acceptably slender (ie, athletic but not too athletic, small but not 'bony') but our bodies are made to stretch and change. I hope that there is one day where I start to like my body and not rely on a guy to tell me it's beautiful. This is because, at the end of the day..... I have to be the one who sees myself naked.

Inspirational Speech by Randy Pausch, shortened on Oprah!

egalitarian like.

my friend read the blog that I written before this one, apparently it was harsh. In my defense, at 200a in the morning I am always harsh. His defense is that females do have a secret motive when it comes to guys, its not a lie.

Well, guys have one too so why can't women?

I have noticed that at my age (college aged or college graduates) that women and men have two separate goals when it comes to accomplishing these "hidden agendas."

Women will manipulate their ways into wallets while men will manipulate their ways into a woman's vagina.

[Yeah I said it]

This isn't a blog about how or why, however, this is more a blog about "which" agenda is more dangerous? Yes, the sex vs. money conversation. Which is more dangerous?
Which pisses people off more when they find out they have been used?
etc....

The answer? It is all in the eye of the beholder and you have to ask yourself this: who's getting fucked over? I can say that when you're the one who is being used for sex, you would rather have been used for money and vice versa.

Money and sex can both be emotionally charged, if you allow it. For example, if you lend money to a close friend who you thought was going to repay you and they didn't. It hurts. If a person has sex with you under false pretense and then you find out the truth, that also hurts too. Being used is being used, no matter what its for.

On the collegiate level the stories could go like this:
Guy is dating girl, spends money on her and then finds out that's all she's using him for. Sucks for him.
On the flip side, girl is dating guy who is very interested for sex. Girl overhears that sex is all he wants. Sucks for her too.

Hate it all you want, men and women may have secret agendas but if its sex or money they are after, it definitely hurts the same.

why?

It's 2:10am and I am awake, I wanted to go asleep 15 minutes ago but 2 minutes before that... I found this article. I just HAD to comment:

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/bad-date-bad-hook-up?link=rel&dom=yah_life&src=syn&con=blog&mag=mar&ha=1

[The gist, guy and girl hook up after a drunk night at a party. Seen from both sides, before the hook-up and after]

Why do guys sometimes think that girls have an secret motive (I know its a generalization but its 215a and I don't feeeeeeeeeeeel like making this egalitarian!) when it comes to females? Or that they like to think that we (women) are more emotionally involved than we actually are? SERIOUSLY?! Or that we are more involved than they are, when really.... its the same. Get over the ego and fess up to a few things:

1) The blame is on both sides.
2) Feelings are mutual
3) Grow up.
and 4) Stop pulling that victim crap when it comes to mistakes like the one listed above, unless further evidence shows the contrary (the article admits a silenced mutual agreement) the act was wanted on both sides.

ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr..... the article pissed me off because the male (while drunk) rationalized that he wanted sex or a gift for his b-day from the woman and 'sensing' that she wanted some too dove in. The next morning he got scared because he liked some other girl and then tried to fool himself into thinking she wanted more. When in actuality it was just humorless talk fueled by awkwardness and a hope to remain friends.

Moral of my blog: Sometimes, as people, we need to stop looking for that hidden meaning in conversations or acts because in reality they can just be random.



In other news: Flash Mob on Oprah!

obama education speech

I used to have the whole speech on my blog but it took up too much cyber room, my commentary:

It fucking rocked!

likes.crushes.attachments

I have an affinity for liking people more than they like me. Not just with potentials, I'm talking: friends, acquaintances, professors, children, and step-parents. I can't help it, my heart has a lot to give and I am so eager to give it to people.

Its just that sometimes, I wish I could be more selective when it comes to people because honestly, people are easy to hurt me by betraying me. I just don't it.

Why can't life just be A & B?

If you care about someone, they care about you too.
If they don't like you that way, they just tell you.
and if there is any confusion.... you just let it all out.

I'm just so tired of being crushed and then going back further into my shell. I wish I could tell the world why I get so attached easily.

But, in case you haven't noticed, I am beginning to not trust so easily. [That's an exaggeration, I don't trust a lot of people to know the real me. Just the hyper me.]

ayo. down on my knees.

.sometimes, songs don't mean exactly what you feel but its pretty damn close.

Hurmph

I wish my roommates would shut up or better yet find a better nightly activity that loud fucking. If I would have known it would be this annoying, I would have padded their room with soundproof material. Or better yet, not have signed a full years lease without knowing what I was getting myself into.Mind you, I love my roommates but this repeated offense of disrespect [i.e. not everyone wants to hear these loud instances of lust and attraction] gets very annoying and quite frankly, I could live without it during the night.It's not that I haven't told them about my misgivings, I have, they just don't care and that is the worst offense of all. The fact that being able to listen to them disturbs me and that they don't care. So, until then.... I go on a roommate strike. Its what I usually do when my roommates piss me off. Maybe, I should learn to live by myself. After I get a car, so that way I will be able to get daily slice of personal interaction. Living at home will never be an option for me.

In other news, I'm gaining weight and I don't want to.

-I really need to find reasons to be happy.-

Boredom- defined

[on the back: sometimes it feels like i'm being punished]
*post secret

I'm at work at the moment.

Yep, as a snack bar worker and guess what? I am oh so very bored.

So bored in fact that I am trying to find a way to get out of work. There are no customers trying to eat or swim in the pool that we are supposed to be open for. This girl is so bored that if boredom was a olympic sport I'd beat the sweap. The bad part is that as it is the first week of school, I don't have time to be here. :-( It is so fusterating to be doing nothing while I have everything to be doing and at a place where I could get in trouble for doing homework [hmmm.... I wonder how they would feel about me blogging on a computer that is not supposed to have internet]. Like I have been saying to people who ask me what I do all day: being paid to do nothing, is not as exciting as everybody wants you to think [unless you are on the beaches of Belize or St. Thomas].

I know this is me complaining, I know I should be happy that I am getting paid to be doing nothing. Like I said, however, I have more important tasks to be doing especially school work. Erk.

At the moment and I am stuck here, thinking about the things I should be doing. Making lists and what not.

So this is the end of my summer. Yay!

Oh, wait... what do I see in the yonder? crumbs on the floor?~!

let me at them!

In other news....

Shakira's new song 'She Wolf' is AWESOME!

.cooking issue.

I can't cook to save my life.

Well, correction, I don't cook very well and only need a lot of help in order to keep my self from eating uncooked chicken (again!) and bland meatballs or curry (yuck!). In these times, a home cooked meal is important. Not just for the nutritional value but its also cost affective and allows a person to experiment with different techniques. I can say one thing about eating out: The experience can open your palette for different types of food, such as Greek, Indian, Spanish, etc if you let it....
but I digress.

I have researched recipes online, have printed them out and keep them in a small binder. Its not really working because a lot of the recipes are not good; hopefully, the websites I have been visiting are just bad.

Whatever the issue, I just want to be in a position to cook food that is delicious, healthy, and good enough for other people to want to eat. Which is hard because I don't care much for cooking.

(This is weird because my mother is an amazing cook who holds bimonthly parties at the house. All you do as a guest at her house is eat, eat, eat, and eat!)

whine.whine.whine.whine.

I have left out the fact that I can make really good breakfast food and I have no idea why. One can only guess is that I think very highly of breakfast!

What's a girl to do?

Do I have to buy cook books? Find more recipe websites? Subscribe to the Food Network magazine (for reals! yo, the channel has a periodical!)?

Or.....

just cook and cook and cook and cook until I figure out what I am doing?!

I mean, I am new to the whole cooking scene.

-Just pray for me-

Cooking

Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I am a horrible cook.

From follies such as, "oh no, I'm eating raw chicken AGAIN!" to "What's that burning smell?!"

I, however, do not quit at things that I do not know how to do and cooking is something that I need to learn because:

1. It's cheaper
2. I need to cook for my future children and the homemade babyfood I plan on feeding them.
3. I have to prove that I am my mother's daughter, because if anyone knows her- they know she can cook.

and

4. because I hungry!